Perhaps I have given you the wrong impression. A wizard’s life is not all fame, fortune and frivolity. There must be periods of rest as well, when a wizard should find a safe retreat where he can seclude himself from sorcery and restore his health and vitality in the proper ascetic atmosphere. While lengthy retreats can deplete a wizard’s fortunes, I have always preferred the ascetic atmosphere present in the pleasure gardens of Vushta, where a dozen handmaidens can attend to your every need. And the budget-conscious sorcerer should be sure to ask about their special midweek retreat package plans.
— THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM,
VOLUME XCV (SPECIAL ANNUAL SUPPLEMENT)
“Demons are no match for mythology!”
The Griffin landed on the edge of what was left of the stage. “Let us crush our few remaining foes! Shout out our victory! AFTAOMAIBAC! AFTAOMAIBAC! AFTAOMAIBAC!”
The cheers grew stronger as the remaining demons took hasty flight or were soundly thrashed.
I quickly stepped to Hendrek’s side, and looked to where my master had sat within his shoe. There was nothing left but a gaping hole.
I felt a sudden chill. Had the great sneeze exploded not only the shoe, but Ebenezum as well?
Something sneezed beneath my feet.
Joy buoyed my sinking heart. My master had managed to sneeze himself into the crawl space beneath the stage!
“Master!” I cried, and was rewarded with a muffled “Indeed.”
A moment’s pause, and the wizard spoke again. “Wuntvor? If you might assist me for an instant?”
I clambered into the hole. It was dark down here after the brilliant sunshine above. I blinked in an attempt to orient myself.
My master’s sneeze told me the way.
Dim light filtered through from where the Griffin had torn up a corner of the stage. I crawled a few feet to find the wizard tangled in a mass of robes and leather.
I asked my master if he had hurt anything.
“Nothing but what few shreds of dignity I had remaining,” the wizard replied. “But there is no time for dignity now. There is only time for Vushta.”
The wizard shifted and groaned. “Now, Wuntvor, if you might help disentangle me?” He grunted as I pulled away the bottom of the shoe. “Thank the stars for that cushioned insole. If the shoe had not been so well made, I might have been more seriously hurt.”
Ebenezum withdrew his arm as I tried to disengage cloth from leather. His sorcerous robes appeared to be more shredded than before.
“Five demon hordes!” Ebenezum shook his head. “Not four, but five! Trust the Netherhells to devise fiendish innovations.” He replaced his arm in what remained of his sleeve. “How fares the battle above?”
I told him that it was all but done, with the beasts dealing with a remaining demon here and there.
“We have been fortunate there,” the wizard agreed. “As powerful as Guxx is, it appears that his strategy is as poor as his poetry.”
The wizard was free at last. Ebenezum stretched and sneezed.
“We must be away from here, and hurriedly. Beneath the stage, I am somewhat protected, but once I reach the open air, my malady will return full force.” The wizard chewed on his moustache for a moment, considering his options. “Wuntvor, I need you to speak with the dragon. When I emerge, I will need Hubert to carry me immediately out into the forest, while I hold my breath as best I can. Once I am out of range of these mythological creatures, I will have a chance to recover. And that will give you and the rest of the party time to join me on foot, so that we may be on our way to Vushta!”
Vushta! I jumped up to do my master’s bidding.
“Wuntvor! Watch your head! It would be best to get to Vushta in one piece.”
Rubbing my head where it had smacked the underside of the stage, I crawled back through the hole into sunlight.
“I will call you as soon as things are ready!” I said to my master as I left.
The flying demon that had been Guxx’s mount lay on the stage. It must have recovered from Headbasher’s blow, for green blood was flowing freely from half a dozen new wounds, including one about the right shape for a unicorn horn. It looked up at me and groaned.
“I guess you won’t be my dinner now,” it whispered.
“No,” I murmured back. “I guess not.” There was a roughness in my throat. It was sad to watch even a demon die. “Then Guxx left you behind?”
“Yes,” the demon said. “Even after he became Grand Hoohah.”
“Grand Hoohah?”
“Don’t ask!” the creature gibbered. “You don’t want to know!” The demon licked dry lips. “It’s not fair! You look so tasty. Just the right fat-to-muscle ratio. Maybe—” The creature winced. “—as a favor to a dying demon—you’d let me nibble a finger or two?”
I stepped hastily away as the thing made one last pitiful attempt to chew.
Hubert was deep in discussion with the Griffin.
“Well, of course!” the Griffin was saying. “No hard feelings! Without your considerable help, we would never have defeated the demons!”
“Pop!” the Hippogriff put in. “If they hadn’t been here, we wouldn’t have had to fight any demons at all!”
The Griffin turned on the boy. “A fight with a demon is a fight with a demon! What’s the matter with you kids today?” The creature turned back to the dragon, shaking its head. “That’s the trouble with these youngsters—no perspective. You know, when my son meets strangers, he hardly ever thinks to demand their gold. I mean, we raise them from infants, and this is the thanks we get—”
“Excuse me,” I said somewhat timidly. But, as afraid as I was of interrupting this imposing creature, I was even more afraid that the Griffin would never stop talking. “May I have a word with Hubert?”
“What did I tell you?” the Griffin began, but he quieted when the dragon turned to me. I quickly told Hubert of the wizard’s request.
“Well,” the dragon said reluctantly, “I was hoping for an encore.” He looked wistfully out to the audience, who seemed too preoccupied with dragging away the dead and wounded to be in the mood for light entertainment. “Still, no one has asked. I shall have a short talk with Alea, then I shall be ready. When one thinks of it, it is a very dramatic exit.”
“We’ll be ready in just a moment, master!” I called. As the dragon had moved away, I looked up with some trepidation to see if the Griffin was still annoyed, but the leader of the conference was now in deep discussion with the unicorn.
The beast shook its mane. Long, white hair flared wonderfully in the wind.
“Let bygones be bygones,” the unicorn intoned. “These are perilous times, which call for noble and magnificent measures. And who better to suggest such measures than myself?” The beast paused and struck a pose that took my breath away. “The fight with the Netherhells is not yet over. We need to join together to weather this crisis. You have had a fine idea, but it has not been taken far enough! What is needed is a true alliance of all mythical creatures, Griffin and unicorn, Hippogriff and dragon!”
“Maybe,” the Griffin replied dubiously. “I’ll have to check the bylaws. Might there be any gold in it?”
“What need have we for gold, when a unicorn leads the way?” The grand creature snorted a fine mist from its nostrils. “I will, of course, be first on your new membership list.”
“What?” The Griffin flapped its wings furiously. “I’ll rip off your horn, you conceited beast! It’s probably the only part of you worth anything!”
Alea bounded across the stage and into my arms, causing me to lose interest in the argument.
“Oh, Wuntie!” she breathed. “Hubert tells me he’s going to fly the wizard out of here, and I’m to walk overland with you!” She hugged me tightly. “Oh, it all sounds so adventurous!”
“Yes, Alea,” I said through the mass of blond curls that covered my face. I turned my head. “Hendrek! Snarks! Brownie! Get your gear together! We must be off for Vushta!”
The Griffin looked up sharply from listening to the Hippogriff talk about how the unicorn might not have such a bad idea.
“You know, Pop,” the Hippogriff said, “that unicorn is really kind of cute. I’ve been thinking, maybe ocelots are not for me. Give me a chance to get to know that big, beautiful horse a little better—”
“What?” the Griffin cried in my direction. “You can’t leave now. We have treaties to sign! Accords to iron out! Amounts of gold must be exchanged!’’
Hubert shook his large, befanged dragon head. “No. We must go. There will be other demon attacks. The fate of Vushta, indeed, the fate of the world, depends on us now. Were we to hold back another day, there might be no tomorrow.”
“Oh,” the Griffin said. “Well, if you put it that way.”
I, too, was impressed. Listening to Hubert describe our actions in his stentorian tones made them sound desperately vital. I began to see advantages in having an actor deal with matters of diplomacy.
I knelt at the edge of the hole and exchanged a few words with my master.
“Fellow creatures!” the Griffin spoke to the assemblage. “Our friends must leave, on matters so urgent that all our lives may depend on their actions. We have fought beside them, and, though we have only known them a few hours, have grown to accept them as comrades. We will miss them! We wish them good weather and good speed!”
With that, the wizard emerged from the hole and, holding his nose, sat quickly upon Hubert’s back. The dragon gave a brief wave to the crowd. “Until next time!” he cried. “We love you all! Up, up, and away!”
Dragon and rider were soon lost among the clouds.
“You have witnessed Brownie Power today!” a small voice shouted to the audience. “May you be blessed with the luck of the Brownies!”
Snarks added: “And after the two minutes it takes to use that up, I hope you have other luck as well.”
“Then again,” the Griffin said, “we may not miss all of you.”
“Doom!” Hendrek remarked, and we were on our way.
We made our way rapidly through the Enchanted Forest. According to my last-minute conference with the wizard, we were to meet him at the first river crossing of the eastern path. It seemed the best possible landmark in an unfamiliar terrain, but I had no idea how far away that first river might be. So, while I felt it was imperative that we reach Vushta with all speed, I realized that we must pace ourselves at no more than a steady march so that we might have strength for the rest of our journey.
As a result, my compatriots had some opportunity to talk.
“Doom,” Hendrek said. “We fight greater and greater battles, with the Netherhells. Every fight, I fear, shall be our last. Still, we survive.”
“My truth-telling instincts say that there must be a reason for this.” Snarks’s bright green demon face was set in a ponderous frown. “I knew Guxx before I was banished from the Netherhells. We are vaguely related, you see. He is a fifth cousin on my grandmother’s side, and we used to meet at these ceremonies called ‘Family Picnics.’ Auggh! What ghastly affairs! They gave a new definition to boredom. Be thankful you have not yet devised such tortures here on the surface world!”
“Doom,” Hendrek murmured in sympathy.
“So, as I said,” Snarks continued, “I am somewhat familiar with Guxx Unfufadoo. He is evil, underhanded, dishonest, cruel, ruthless—in short, perfect leadership material for the Netherhells. Why, then, when he fights us, does he keep losing?”
“Simple!” a small voice chimed. “That’s because he never had to fight Brownies before!”
“And, if I had my way, he’d never fight Brownies again!” Snarks snapped. “No, that is not fair. Your shoe trick was rather good. Short as you are, you did play a part in this battle.” The demon rubbed thoughtfully at one of its small horns. “And I think you have given me a clue to Guxx’s defeat.”
“Yeah! Like the positive force of Brownie Power!”
Snarks chose to ignore the tiny voice.
“Guxx seems intent on attacking us with as large a force as he can muster at any one time. But why attack us when we were in a large group, instead of waiting until we were more isolated? The answer lies with Ebenezum.”
I paused, letting the beautiful Alea go a few paces ahead. It sounded as if Snarks’s Netherhells training might be strategically important after all.
“The Forxnagel is imminent,” the demon continued. “The first encounter the Grand Hoohah had with the wizard Ebenezum was decisive in more ways than one. Not only did it cause your master’s malady, and thus bring about this journey, but it affected Guxx as well. I believe the wizard’s resilience in facing Guxx’s demonic hordes has actually made the demon lord afraid. He attacks blindly, without reason, whenever he has the opportunity. Even though he has attained the Grand Hoohah, I feel that Guxx fears, as long as the wizard Ebenezum is alive, that his Forxnagel spell will never succeed!”
“Doom! So he will attack again and again?”
“Wow! It sounds like you’re going to need Brownie Power even more!”
“Doom!” Hendrek repeated. “An amazing piece of conjecture. And yet, in a fiendish way, it makes sense.”
“As does everything I say,” Snarks readily agreed. “Now perhaps you’ll listen to those diet plans I’ve laid out for you. Not to mention a few technical pointers I can give you on handling your warclub!”
“Doom!”
“Oh, Wuntie!” Alea rubbed my shoulder gently. “Do you think we might stop and rest for a little while?”
Uncertainty stabbed me as I glanced at the young woman. Had I been driving them too hard? I asked Alea if she was tired.
“Well, of walking, yes. I’m always a little jumpy after a performance. Wuntie? I was wondering if, when we stopped, we might be able to rest a bit farther down the path from the others?”
Alea was right. We had not really had time for a serious talk since she and Hubert had dropped in among the mythological beasts. I looked at her bouncing blond curls, dark gold in the forest shadows.
Still, I pondered Snarks’s words. If he was correct, the demons would not leave Ebenezum alone. What if they attacked my master and Hubert as they awaited us?
“Alas,” I said reluctantly. “Alea, we have no time for that now. Our purpose is to travel as far and fast as we can. We must succeed, for Vushta, and my master!”
“Oh, Wuntie!” Alea sighed. “I love a simple man of principle!”
“Indeed,” came a voice from just up the path.
With my concern over Alea’s welfare, I had failed to notice that we had entered a small clearing. Some fifty feet before us was a nearly dry riverbed. And sitting on a rock at the river’s edge was the wizard Ebenezum.
“Wuntvor,” my master said. “If you can ask the others to wait there, I think now would be a good time to have a conference.” He nodded to Alea. “Hubert is up in the air. Said he wanted to stretch his wings.”
I told my master briefly about Snarks’s conjectures.
“Interesting,” my master replied, “and very possibly true. I knew Snarks could be a valuable addition to our party. And, if he is correct, there is even more reason for us to hurry. For, Wuntvor, we are getting close to our destination.”
“Vushta?”
The wizard nodded. “I believe we have nearly traversed the entirety of this so-called Enchanted Forest. There is but one final obstacle to overcome. If my calculations are correct, this path should lead us to a fishing village on the edge of the Inland Sea. Once we are there, it should be a simple matter to book passage on a boat, and sail across the sea to Vushta!”
Vushta! I swallowed hard. With the labors of recent weeks, the word had almost lost its meaning, and I had sometimes felt it might be an unattainable dream. Now, though, I might walk in that dream, and pass down streets where, were a man not careful, he could be cursed for all eternity. It was almost beyond imagining!
Would I really get to see the thousand forbidden delights for myself?
“Hey!” a small voice called from the other side of the clearing. “Isn’t it about time for another Brownie wish?”
“Indeed?” Ebenezum queried. “Are you eager for us to use them up?”
The little fellow shook his tiny head. “I just want to show you what a Brownie can do! I mean, we got one good wish going awhile ago. Since then, though, my track record hasn’t been so terrific!”
I thought I detected a look of panic deep within the wizard’s eyes. Perhaps the thought struck him, as it did me, that we might have a wish-attempting Brownie as a constant companion for the rest of our lives.
“Wait a moment!” I exclaimed. “What about that rain of shoes? That was a wish if I ever saw one!”
“Hey!” The Brownie brightened perceptibly. “Those shoes were a first-class wish! Okay, if you insist. Two down and one to go. But that means I have to make the last one a whopper!” ‘
“Good work, Wuntvor,” Ebenezum whispered. “I am glad the Brownie wishes are nearly over. I fear we could not survive too many more.”
Someone seemed to be humming a fanfare overhead. I looked up to see Hubert rapidly descending.
“Hello, fun seekers!” the dragon called out. “Ah, I see I didn’t have to go flying to find our friends. They got here quite nicely by themselves.” Hubert tipped his hat at the wizard. “Oh, I did get a look at the Inland Sea. Flying as much as I do, I’m not that good at judging walking distances. Still, I don’t think that village can be much more than half a day’s journey away.”
Only half a day? I had to restrain myself from shouting with joy. We were virtually in Vushta already!
“Indeed,” Ebenezum said, and paused a minute to blow his nose. “Well, you and Alea will be on to Vushta, then.”
“Exactly!” The dragon turned to the damsel. “Sorry to thrust this engagement upon you so suddenly, sweets, but I think the wizard here has a point. We’re to go ahead and inform the powers that be in Vushta about Ebenezum’s findings. Then, when the rest of our party reaches the city, we’ll be that much further ahead of the Netherhells’ plans!”
Hubert swept his top hat in a wide arc. “Just think of the kind of entrance we can make! The publicity value of this is staggering!”
Alea looked wistfully in my direction. “Oh, there was so much I meant to say to you! So much I wanted to do!” She gave me a final, tearful kiss and then ran to the dragon. “Still, when the theater calls, one must be ready. Look me up when you arrive in Vushta!”
And with that, the two of them took to the air.
Ebenezum was on his feet. “We must get to Vushta as well. Even now, I fear we may be too late.”
He straightened his robes and walked eastward on the path.